November 21, 2025
Considerations for Neurodivergent Youth When Navigating Grief and Loss
By: Siba Alzohaili, MA, LLP and Juno Ottathengil, LLMSW
Neurodivergent Youth and Grief
Children and teens, unfortunately, experience grief and loss just as adults do, but their experiences are often misunderstood or misinterpreted. This is especially true for neurodivergent children and teens who may process and express loss differently or in ways that do not align with common expectations. Their understanding of death may not correspond with either their developmental or chronological age (Gaines, 2025).
What to Expect from Grieving Neurodivergent Youth
Grief reactions for neurodivergent youth may include:
- “Inappropriate” reactions (i.e., laughing, flat affect, and focus on self)
- An increase in ASD-related behaviors
- Distress when routines change
- Regression
- Tantrums, aggression, and other reactions that appear disproportionate to the situation
Some neurodivergent children may ask numerous questions or develop repetitive interests in topics such as death, obituaries, or the specific circumstances surrounding a person’s death (Mair et al., 2024). Others, including some neurodivergent adults, report wanting to do their own research to gather facts and use logic to process the loss.
If these behaviors are pathologized or punished rather than recognized as grief reactions, then it can lead to invalidation and intensified grief. However, if the behaviors persist and become significantly disruptive, additional intervention may be warranted.
How to Help
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Validate
Neurodivergent youth need support throughout this difficult process. The most important thing is to make room for grief—however it may be expressed—rather than expecting a certain kind of reaction. Acknowledge your child’s distress when it comes to disruptions in routine or other reactions that may not seem directly related to the loss. Lean on your support networks to help maintain routines as much as possible. For example, a friend who is not affected by the loss can take over school pick-up and drop-off.
Sometimes your child’s questions about the loss may feel inappropriate or distressing. Balance respecting your own boundaries while also supporting your child. If it is too distressing to answer your child’s questions, is there someone else they could talk to? You may also want to speak with family and others affected by the loss beforehand so they know what to expect from your child and don’t take it personally. For example:
“Our child is very upset about the loss and is trying to process it in the way that they can. Please don’t take it personally if they ask inappropriate questions or seem like they aren’t taking this seriously. You don’t have to engage with them, but please be understanding.”
You may also need to talk to your child about what is and isn’t okay to ask in certain contexts. For example:
“I know you’re curious about how we’re going to bury Grandpa, but don’t ask Grandma about it.”
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Communicate
Just like with any other child, it is important to be honest, specific, and concrete when explaining a loss and answering questions. This is especially helpful for children who struggle with abstract concepts—be as concrete and literal as is developmentally appropriate. You may need to present information in various ways if there are receptive language difficulties or other issues with comprehension (Hume et al., 2016). Some examples of how you might explain a loss to a child include: “This person died,” “Their body stopped working,” or “We are never going to see this person again.”
It can also help to take preventative measures and talk to children and teens about loss and grief before it happens. This may be done through books, personal stories, environmental observations (e.g., the life cycle), or religious and spiritual traditions, if those are relevant for your family (Hume et al., 2016). Social stories can also be useful for explaining the concept of death and loss to a child and preparing them for funerals or other related events.
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Commemorate
Think about ways to make participating in mourning rituals easier for your child. It may seem easier or kinder at the moment to exclude children from these rituals, but that can be harmful in the long term because they miss the chance to mourn with others or to say goodbye (Boyle et al., 2025). That doesn’t mean they have to participate in everything. For example, a friend could pick them up from the funeral so they don’t have to stay the whole time but still have the opportunity to say goodbye. Use supports that have already been effective for your family, such as noise-canceling headphones or having a safe person accompany them at large gatherings.
When it comes to long-term processing, use tangible and concrete ways to talk about and commemorate the loss. For example, you and your child might create a scrapbook of memories that they can look at when they feel sad or miss the person (or pet) they lost (Dempsey & Ha, 2017). It may also help to offer alternative forms of expression, such as art or movement. Using narratives and storytelling can further help your child contextualize the loss. While verbal processing might not be helpful for every child, therapy can still support them by focusing on general skill-building and promoting overall well-being rather than directly discussing the trauma (Dempsey & Ha, 2017).
Conclusion
While many of these considerations also apply to neurotypical youth, every child is unique and will process and express grief differently. More research is needed to fully understand how neurodivergent youth experience grief and how to best support them. Nevertheless, many resources are available for youth and families to help navigate this difficult transition.
Resources
- Social Stories
- Other
- How People With Autism Grieve, and How to Help: An Insider Handbook by Deborah Lipsky
- https://pathfindersforautism.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/Death-and-Grieving.pdf
References
Boyle, P., Zhvitiashvili, N., & Larsen, R. (2025). ‘Neurodiversity and grief’: advancing a neuro-inclusive service. International Journal of Art Therapy, 1–15. https://doi.org/10.1080/17454832.2025.2567263
Dempsey, A. G., & Ha, C. (2017). Treating complicated grief in a teenager with autism: Comment on Zakreski (2017). Clinical Practice in Pediatric Psychology, 5(3), 285-286. https://doi.org/10.1037/cpp0000199
Gaines, A. G. (2025). The grief experiences of children with developmental disabilities: A narrative literature review. Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 90(4), 1562. https://doi.org/10.1177/00302228221124520
Hume, K., Regan, T., Megronigle, L., & Rhinehalt, C. (2016). Supporting students with autism spectrum disorder through grief and loss. Teaching Exceptional Children, 48(3), 128-136. https://doi.org/10.1177/0040059915618196
Mair, A. P. A., Nimbley, E., McConachie, D., Goodall, K., & Gillespie-Smith, K. (2024). Understanding the neurodiversity of grief: A systematic literature review of experiences of grief and loss in the context of neurodevelopmental disorders. Review Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 1-49.