February 17, 2023

Categories: Other, Parenting

Helping Teens Through Grief

By: Andrea Stephens, MA, MS, TLLP and Janelle Schenk, LMSW

Introduction

It is an unfortunate reality that children and teens are likely to experience the loss of a loved one, friend, or even beloved pet family member. Exact prevalence rates of loss are unknown; however, the literature estimates that in Western countries, 4% of teens have lost a parent by age 18, 7% of teens have lost a parent or a sibling, 78% of adolescents have lost a relative or friend, and 18% of adolescents have lost someone to suicide (Andriessen et al., 2017; Berg et al., 2016; Burns et al., 2020; Harrison & Harrington, 2001). When a teen is grieving, caregivers often find themselves wondering how to support their teen through loss and whether or not additional support may be needed. The purpose of this blog post is to present common signs of grief in teens, how caregivers may support teens that are going through grief and provide a brief introduction to evidence-based therapies that help to support teens through loss. 

Signs of Grief

Although grief can present differently from one adolescent to another, there are common symptoms that can appear. Common grief symptoms often experienced by teens include (Alvis et al., 2022; Ross et al., 2021):

  • Crying
  • Sadness
  • Difficulties accepting the loss
  • Numbness
  • Guilt
  • Longing
  • Ruminating thoughts
  • Anger
  • Frustration
  • Shock
  • Rejection
  • Blame/self-blame

Additionally, grieving teens have been found to be at an increased risk of experiencing anxiety and depression, have higher rates of suicide and other early mortality, experiencing decreased developmental competencies (e.g., navigating cognitive, emotional, and behavioral tasks), and experiencing less social support than non-greiving peers (Ross et al., 2021). 

How Caregivers Can Support Grieving Teens

The literature indicates that caregivers can be of great support in helping a teen process and work through grief, and that caregivers are the most important factor in helping grieving teens get connected with services they may need. The literature also suggests that it can be beneficial for caregivers to receive psychoeducational support from professionals to help their teens (Alvis et al., 2022). What does this mean? In short, caregiver involvement is vital to helping teens through grief, but caregivers also may need support doing so because the skills required can be new and difficult to implement if the caregiver is similarly experiencing loss or has not had the opportunity to practice these skills in the past. 

The National Child Traumatic Stress Network (n.d.) has released a really helpful handout that presents tips for caregivers to help grieving teens, which can be found here. Within this document and throughout other areas of research (e.g., Haine et al., 2008), the following are recommended for caregivers to engage in to help grieving teens:

  • Validate your teen’s emotions: Losing someone is a really difficult experience for teens. By labeling and empathizing your teen’s emotions, it can help normalize that this experience is really difficult/painful for your teen and help them feel better understood by you.
  • Talk about your feelings: Talk about your feelings regarding the loss and invite your teen to talk about their feelings when they are ready. It can be beneficial for your teen if you also are able to provide education about the grief process and normalize that people can feel grief differently.
  • Encourage activity: Going through grief can cause your teen to not want to engage in their daily routines or social outings. However, research shows that individuals cope better when they continue to engage in activities. As such, encourage your teen to get back into their regular routines and activities, see friends, and engage in coping strategies (e.g., deep breathing, mindfulness, and/or gentle stretching).
  • Stay connected: During the grief process, your teen might want their distance from you but it is important to still know where your teen is and what they are doing. Your teen will need you to stay connected and present during this tough time.
  • Keep the person/thing your teen lost present: If your teen lost a person in their life, keep pictures of the person around, tell fond stories of them, and even create a memory book so that your teen can keep the person in mind and heart. This can be applied across losses of different types, including the loss of a beloved family pet.
  • Offer professional help: If your teen begins engaging in risky, potentially harmful behaviors, wants to discuss with a professional, or is having an espeically hard time with the loss (e.g., feeling sad, guilty, experiencing traumatic grief, etc.), it is important that you offer to get them connected to a professional provider and/or support group to help them process and live with their grief. As a caregiver, you are the person most important in their life to get them access to the services they need.

Types of Evidence-Based Practices for Grief in Teens

The American Psychological Association (2022) recently provided an updated list of evidence-based interventions that can assist teens through grief. Each of these practices will be listed below with a brief description of what they entail.

  • Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), tailored to childhood grief and trauma: Trauma-Focused CBT helps teens to develop trauma narratives that, in turn, help them to work through traumatic events. Teens will also learn skills to continue forward after loss.
  • Multidimensional Grief Therapy: This type of therapy utilizes an assessment of the types of grief and teaches adaptive skills based on grief the teen is experiencing.
  • Resilient Parenting for Bereaved Families: This type of therapy helps to build family cohesion and teaches caregivers skills to help the teens through grief.
  • Grief and Trauma Intervention: This type of intervention is grounded in CBT and narrative exposure, helps teens develop narratives, teaches coping skills, and helps teens make meaning of losses.
  • Trauma and Grief Component Therapy for Adolescents: This type of therapy consists of four modules that, based on assessment, can be tailored to the individual teen.

Conclusion

Going through loss can be an extremely difficult and painful experience for teens. This blog post presented a brief overview of signs that a teen may be experiencing grief, strategies caregivers can use to help teens through and after grief, and a brief introduction to evidence-based therapies that may be utilized to address grief in teenage years. It is our suggestion that caregivers be involved in the grief process of your teen and help to get them access to professional services if they need.

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