Autistic Young Women: Navigating the Transition to Adulthood

Introduction

The transition from adolescence to adulthood is a time of significant change. Young adults begin navigating new responsibilities related to education, employment, relationships, and independent living. For autistic young women, these transitions may present unique challenges, particularly as familiar routines and support systems change. Although some young women may appear to be managing these responsibilities successfully, their outward functioning does not always reflect the effort involved.

When “Doing Fine” Takes a Lot of Work

One important consideration is social masking, also known as camouflaging. This involves adapting or concealing natural behaviors to meet social expectations, such as rehearsing conversations, imitating peers, or forcing eye contact (Lockwood Estrin et al., 2021; Tubío-Fungueiriño et al., 2021). For example, a young woman may appear socially confident at school or work but return home feeling completely exhausted. Research suggests that masking can require substantial emotional and cognitive effort (Miller et al., 2021). As a result, outward success does not necessarily mean that someone is managing without difficulty. Families can help by looking beyond what others observe and asking about their daughter’s internal experiences, including stress, exhaustion, and the need for recovery time.

Navigating Independence and New Responsibilities

As autistic young women enter adulthood, they may encounter increased expectations for managing schedules, completing assignments, maintaining employment, and navigating relationships. For example, a student who excelled in high school may struggle with the transition to college when familiar structures and supports are no longer available. These difficulties do not necessarily reflect a lack of ability or motivation. Instead, the demands of the environment may have changed more quickly than the support available to her. Rather than expecting complete independence immediately, families can help young women gradually develop skills while maintaining supports that promote success.

Identity and Self-Understanding

Emerging adulthood is also an important period for identity development. Autistic young women may begin reflecting on their experiences, recognizing their strengths, and developing a deeper understanding of how autism has shaped their lives. For some, this may involve making sense of years spent feeling different from peers or working hard to meet social expectations. Supporting self-understanding and acceptance can help young women identify their needs, communicate preferences, and make choices that align with their values. The goal should not be to encourage young women to appear more neurotypical, but rather to help them feel comfortable expressing who they are.

How Families Can Help

Families play an important role in supporting autistic young women as they transition into adulthood. Helpful approaches include:

• Build independence gradually: Encourage responsibility while maintaining useful structures and supports.
• Recognize hidden exhaustion: Understand that success at school, work, or socially may require significant effort.
• Encourage self-advocacy: Support young women in communicating their needs, requesting accommodations, and establishing boundaries.
• Validate their experiences: Approach feelings of overwhelm with curiosity and understanding rather than assuming they need to try harder.
• Respect individual timelines: Recognize that independence and success may look different for each person.

Rethinking What Success Looks Like

Adulthood is often measured by milestones such as graduating, finding employment, moving out, or becoming financially independent. However, these milestones do not need to occur according to a particular timeline. For autistic young women, meaningful independence may involve continuing to receive support while developing greater choice and control over their lives. A young woman may live with family while attending college or live independently while receiving assistance with certain responsibilities. Both can represent meaningful progress.

Ultimately, supporting autistic young women through the transition to adulthood means recognizing their strengths, understanding their challenges, and helping them build lives that are authentic, fulfilling, and sustainable. Rather than asking only, “What can she accomplish?” perhaps the more important question is, “What will help her thrive?”

References

Lockwood Estrin, G., Milner, V., Spain, D., Happé, F., & Colvert, E. (2021). Barriers to autism spectrum disorder diagnosis for young women and girls: A systematic review. Review Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 8, 454–470. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40489-020-00225-8

Miller, D., Rees, J., & Pearson, A. (2021). “Masking is life”: Experiences of masking in autistic and nonautistic adults. Autism in Adulthood, 3(4), 330–338. https://doi.org/10.1089/aut.2020.0083

Tubío-Fungueiriño, M., Cruz, S., Sampaio, A., Carracedo, A., & Fernández-Prieto, M. (2021). Social camouflaging in females with autism spectrum disorder: A systematic review. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 51, 2190–2199. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-020-04695-x