October 27, 2026
Disclosing Divorce to Children
By: Mae Veidlinger, MSW Intern and Juno Ottathengil, LMSW
Introduction
Telling your child about a divorce can be nerve-racking and intimidating. Prior to telling your child, understanding what should be said, how to present yourself, and preparing for potential questions is very important. Although every child may have different reactions or responses, supporting your kid and allowing them to express their feelings are the best ways for them to be heard.
When Should You Tell Your Child?
When considering when to tell your child about your divorce, the sooner they know, the better. This means telling your child roughly 2–3 months in advance. This can help your child 1) process what divorce is and 2) gradually become more comfortable with the idea of divorce before it actually happens. That being said, the most important goal when telling your child about divorce is to wait until both parents are absolutely certain a divorce is going to happen. Telling your child you are getting a divorce but then not following through can be confusing and disruptive to the process of understanding relationships and their future.
What Should I Tell My Child?
When telling your child about divorce, ensure that, if possible, both parents are a part of the conversation. Both parents should have an idea of what the new plan going forward will be so it will not be a surprise to the child. It is also very important to tell the child that divorce is never the child’s fault and is just between the two parents. Parents should also be prepared for the following common questions:
- What’s a divorce?
- Why did you get a divorce?
- Was it my fault?
- Will you get back together?
- Where will I live?
Grief Associated with Divorce
Experiencing divorce can lead to grief and big feelings for children. Parents should allow their child to feel grief and large emotions and create space for the child to express themselves. Some ways to allow your child to do this are by:
- Making talking about divorce an ongoing conversation
- Allowing your child to be honest about how they feel
- Being age-aware and developmentally appropriate when answering their questions
- Helping the child find words for their feelings
Neurodiverse Children
Telling neurodiverse children about divorce can look differently and have challenges due to difficulty with transitions, big reactions, and working with the legal system. To support parents and children during this time, below are some ideas on how to support your neurodiverse child with resources as well:
- Create a social story
- Discuss what will change versus stay the same
- Create a physical schedule of parents’ schedules
- Expect atypical reactions
- Work with ex-partner to advocate for your child’s neurodiverse needs in court
Conclusion
Divorce can be a big deal for children. Therefore, helping your child understand what a divorce is and preparing them for what will change can help ease anxiety and feelings of grief that the child may face.
References
Kemp, G., Smith, M., & Segal, J. (2026, February 18). Children and divorce. HelpGuide.org. https://www.helpguide.org/family/parenting/children-and-divorce
Pickar, D. B. (2022). Considerations regarding child and parent neurodiversity in family court. Family Court Review, 60(3), 492–506. https://doi.org/10.1111/fcre.12655
Ravitz, A. (2025, September 26). When should we tell our kids that we’re getting a divorce? Child Mind Institute. https://childmind.org/article/when-should-we-tell-our-kids-that-were-getting-a-divorce/
Sesame Workshop. (n.d.). Divorce. https://sesameworkshop.org/topics/divorce/