Managing Behavior at Home: An Update to Naguib and Kurtz (2004)

Caregiver-child relationships are unique, complex, and intense in nature. Family relationships are often the most positive when caregivers and their children are able to communicate effectively and when the caregiver is confident in their ability to manage their child’s behavioral concerns. In general, a positive relationship between the caregiver and the child is viewed as the foundation for behavior change to occur and to help children learn emotion regulation skills (Maddah et al., 2016). Unfortunately, difficulties can arise when the caregiver is unsure how to handle the child’s challenging behaviors. This blog post will cover common challenging behavioral concerns experienced by children, tips to manage behaviors at home, and when to seek professional help.

Common Behavior Concerns

Research suggests that externalizing behavioral challenges are the main reason children and their caregivers are referred to mental health services. Common behavioral difficulties that caregivers may need different strategies than what they have used in the past to manage the behavior include tantrums, oppositionality/argumentativeness, aggression, inattention, and hyperactivity (Hansen et al., 2021). These behaviors may occur to varying degrees and can potentially differentially affect the daily lives and functioning of those in the home. When the behaviors are not causing harm to self, others, or the home environment, it is recommended that caregivers try the strategies found below (based largely on strategies found in Kazdin, 2005) to help manage behavioral concerns at home, increase warmth, and increase the overall quality of the caregiver-child relationships. 

Tips to Manage Behaviors at Home

1. Dedicate time to spend with your child each day. It is suggested that caregivers dedicate an allotted time each day to spend with their child. This time should be spent without distractors and consist of fun activities such as playing with toys or engaging in one of the child’s preferred activities. For younger children, caregivers should describe the positive behaviors the child is engaging in during this time, provide praise for the positive behaviors, and ignore any challenging behaviors that are not likely to result in harm to the child, caregiver, or environment. For older children, it can be helpful to engage with the child’s preferred activity and talk with them about it, listening without interrupting, correcting, or criticizing.
2. Deliver praise as often as possible for behaviors you would like your child to do more often. When you provide praise, immediate delivery of praise is better than delayed praise. It is recommended for caregivers to “catch” the child being good. This catching involves delivering praise for the child’s positive behavior as soon as possible after the behavior occurs. The more often caregivers catch the child being good, the more likely they are to engage in the same or similar positive behaviors in the future.
3. Selectively ignore minor attention-seeking challenging behaviors, such as whining and interrupting. It is suggested for caregivers to selectively ignore minor behaviors that the child is likely to be engaging in in order to obtain other people’s attention (whether positive or negative). Research suggests that much of children’s challenging behaviors continue because they result in getting access to other people’s attention. By ignoring minor attention-seeking behaviors, such as whining and interrupting, it is likely that these behaviors will decrease in the future.
4. Communicate your expectations clearly and concisely. Praise and/or provide a reward when expectations are followed by the child. Children are more apt to behave in accordance with rules and expectations when they know what to expect and when they are rewarded for following the rules and expectations. As such, it is important to provide a reward (e.g., points, tokens, praise, toys, etc.) every time the child follows the rules.
5. Use a neutral tone of voice when delivering commands or consequences. It is recommended for caregivers to use a neutral tone of voice when they deliver commands or consequences for challenging behaviors. By using a neutral tone of voice, the child is likely to respond better and it avoids modeling high emotionality/anger for the child. In addition, caregivers should consider delivering short and concise commands to the children that are age appropriate. For instance, a five-year-old child may be more likely to respond appropriately to a one-step command (e.g., put your car in the toybox) instead of a multistep command or a vague command (e.g., clean up your toys).
6. For behaviors that are more difficult to change, use punishment strategies such as time outs, reprimands, or loss of privileges. When using punishment strategies, always praise the positive opposites. Research suggests that for behaviors that do not change as a result of positive reinforcement alone, the use of a punishment strategy may be necessary. Common punishment strategies that are appropriate for caregivers to use at home include time outs (no more than 3-5 minutes in duration for a young child), reprimands, or loss of privileges. Of note, punishment strategies not suggested for caregivers include physical punishment or prolonged punishment, as these are likely to model anger and aggressiveness. Whenever a behavior is being punished, it is essential to teach and praise a replacement behavior, often called the positive opposite. For example, if the behavior of hitting siblings is being punished, the caregiver should praise all instances of nice hands with siblings.
7. Avoid physical punishment. The use of physical punishment is not recommended as it can model anger, aggression, and potentially abusive behaviors toward others. Research also suggests that the use of physical punishment can result in a decrease in the child’s self-esteem.
8. Use positive reinforcement systems, including point charts or token economies, to increase behavior you would like to see more of in the future. Using a positive reinforcement system (such as a point chart or token economy) to increase behaviors that the caregiver would like to see more of in the future. Typically these include delivering a point or a token as soon as the positive behavior occurs, that can be exchanged at a later time for a reward.
9. Deliver established consequences every time a behavior occurs. If a consequence has been established, explained, and/or role-played with a child, that consequence should be delivered every time the behavior occurs. If it is not delivered every time, behavior change is likely to occur at a slower rate and it could teach the child that doing the behavior is sometimes okay.
10. Take care of yourself. It is recommended for caregivers to take care of themselves. It is really hard for caregivers to manage their child’s behavior if they are not taking care of their needs first. As such, it is important for caregivers to engage in relaxing and preferred activities when they are able. Additionally, having self-compassion can help make managing behaviors at home a little easier. The following are great resources to check out on self-compassion:
    1. Self-Compassion for Parents 
    2. Self-Compassion for Parents: Nurturing Your Child by Caring for Yourself, by Susan M. Pollak, EdD

When to Seek Professional Help

Even with utilization of the listed strategies above, it is recommended that caregivers seek additional help if their child’s behavior becomes unsafe to self, others, or the home. Additionally, professional help should be sought when the child’s challenging behavior affects daily functioning at school, at home, with adults, or with other children (NIMH, 2021). 

Conclusion

Managing challenging, externalizing behaviors (e.g., tantrums, aggression, argumentativeness, etc.) at home can benefit from strategies that caregivers may not yet utilize. The strategies presented in this blog post can help increase positive behaviors, decrease challenging behaviors, and strengthen the caregiver-child relationship. Caregivers should seek additional professional help above and beyond the strategies provided when the child’s behavior becomes unsafe and/or affects daily living. 

References

Gupta, A. K., Mongia, M., & Garg, A. K. (2017). A descriptive study of behavioral problems in 

schoolgoing children. Industrial Psychiatry Journal, 26(1), 91–94. https://doi.org/10.4103/ipj.ipj_39_17

Hansen, A. S., Christoffersen, C. H., Telléus, G. K., & Lauritsen, M. B. (2021). Referral patterns to outpatient child and adolescent mental health services and factors associated with referrals being rejected. A cross-sectional observational study. BMC Health Services Research, 21, 1063. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12913-021-07114-8

Kazdin, A. E. (2005). Parent management training: Treatment for oppositional, aggressive, and antisocial behavior in children and adolescents. Oxford University Press. 

Maddah, Z., Ghalenoee, M., Mohtashami, J., Pourhoseingholi, M. A., Esmaieli, R., & Naseri-Salahshour, V. (2018). The effectiveness of PMT program on parent-child relationship in parents with ADHD children: A randomized trial. Medical Journal of the Islamic Republic of Iran, 32, 89. https://doi.org/10.14196/mjiri.32.89

National Institute of Mental Health. (2021). Children and mental health: Is this just a stage? https://www-nimh-nih-gov/health/publications/children-and-mental-health