Imaginary Friends

Introduction 

Imaginary friends are normal and can be fun companions for your child. It is also normal for parents to get concerned when their child’s imaginary friend starts to get bossy. We will provide some clarity about imaginary friends and some tips for handling imaginary friends who are getting out of hand.

Prevalence

Imaginary friends are a normal part of a child’s development. Research has found that up to 65% of children have an imaginary friend before the age of seven (Hamilton & Alli, 2024). This means that it is not unusual for your child to have an imaginary friend. The length of time that imaginary friends stick around is unpredictable. Some imaginary friends might stick around for several months, and some might be your child’s companion for years (Hamilton & Alli, 2024). 

Purpose of Imaginary Friends

Developmentally, children’s imagination starts to expand at ages 2 to 3 (Hamilton & Alli, 2024). Parent perceptions of imaginary friends have been studied and common themes for the purpose of imaginary friends have been discovered (Majors & Baines, 2017).

• Imaginary friends can provide children with comfort. 
• When a child is engaging in fantasy play, imaginary friends can act as characters in a child’s story. 
• If a child feels lonely, they might have an imaginary friend to act as a companion to overcome loneliness. 
• An imaginary friend can be a child’s sidekick to work on problem solving. 
• If a child is having trouble managing emotions, an imaginary friend might help them to cope with their emotions. 
• A child might have their imaginary friend play different roles as the child learns about behavior and roles. 
• Imaginary friends might also help a child process and deal with life events.

There are many more purposes for imaginary friends as the imagination can put the imaginary friend in any role. Studies have shown that many parents do not think there are disadvantages to their child having an imaginary friend (Majors & Baines, 2017).

Characteristics of Imaginary Friends

So, who are these imaginary friends? They can be human, animal, or even fantasy creatures. Some are completely invisible and act like a real friend that is in the room. These imaginary friends are completely from the child’s imagination. Other imaginary friends come from objects such as toys. These toys are given a personality and children often create a parent-child like relationship with these friends (Kennedy-Moore, 2013). Some examples of imaginary friends that children have created are “Star Friends and Heart Fan Club” which are groups of preschool aged friends, “Herd of cows” which are cows of varying colors who wear diapers, and “Maybe” which is a human of varying gender who appears when the child shouts out of the front door to their house (Kennedy-Moore, 2013). As you can tell, there are infinite forms in which imaginary friends can exist.

Are Imaginary Friends Real?

Children can get persistent about the needs and opinions of their imaginary friends, but studies show that children almost always know they are not real. A study of 86 children with imaginary friends found that 97% of these children had no confusion if their imaginary friends were real or not. About 40% of these children spontaneously commented that their imaginary friend was pretend (Taylor & Mottweiler, 2008).

When Imaginary Friends Become a Problem

A common valid concern that parents have is that their child’s imaginary friend is a problem. Imaginary friends can have many benefits, but it is important to watch out for signs that the imaginary friend is negatively impacting a child’s development. Imaginary friends can stick around for months or even years, but It is not developmentally appropriate for a child to have an imaginary friend past the age of 12 (Hamilton & Alli, 2024).

Families might notice that the imaginary friend is bossing people around or getting blamed for their child’s actions. This becomes an issue because the child does not stay accountable for their own actions. It is important to remember that it is okay as a parent to set boundaries for this imaginary friend. It can be difficult to have an imaginary creature controlling so much of a family’s life (Hamilton & Alli, 2024).

It can be a concern if an imaginary friend is paired with social anxiety when interacting with real people. Although imaginary friends make great companions, children need real friends. If a child’s only friend is an imaginary friend, support for developing social skills could be beneficial. If the child starts having anxiety around other children, this can be a concern that is brought up with a therapist. If the child is having changes in eating or sleeping habits, that could be a sign that there is a deeper problem going on. If the child is telling their imaginary friend about traumatic experiences in detail, the child needs professional help to process their trauma (Hamilton & Alli, 2024). You can always talk to a mental health professional if you have concerns about your child’s imaginary friend.

How to Interact with an Imaginary Friend

If there are no concerns for your child’s development, it is perfectly fine and encouraged to interact with their imaginary friend! You can ask your child about the imaginary friend and show interest in the imaginary friend like you would a real friend that your child has. It is recommended to let your child pass messages to the friend instead of directly talking to the friend. Your child can act as an interpreter for the imaginary friend. (Alli & Hamilton, 2024; Reece & Feely, 2022; Winkelspecht, 2015). If the imaginary friend is getting out of hand you can always set boundaries or seek professional help.

Conclusion

Imaginary friends are a normal and healthy part of a child’s development (Hamilton & Alli, 2024). Enjoy this entertaining stage of your child’s development while you can because imaginary friends don’t stick around forever! If you have questions about your child’s imaginary friend, ask a mental health professional. 

References

Davis, P. E., Meins, E., & Fernyhough, C. (2014). Children with imaginary companions focus on mental characteristics when describing their real‐life friends. Infant and Child Development, 23(6), 622–633. https://doi.org/10.1002/icd.1869

Gleason, T. R. (2004). Imaginary companions and peer acceptance. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 28(3), 204–209. https://doi.org/10.1080/01650250344000415

Kennedy-Moore, E. (2013). Imaginary friends. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/growing-friendships/201301/imaginary-friends

Majors, K., & Baines, E. (2017). Children’s play with their imaginary companions: Parent experiences and perceptions of the characteristics of the imaginary companions and purposes served. Educational and Child Psychology, 34(3), 37–56. https://doi.org/10.53841/bpsecp.2017.34.3.37

Reece, T., & Feeley, T. (2022, September 29). Imaginary friends and toddlers. What to Expect. https://www.whattoexpect.com/toddler/ask-heidi/imaginary-friends.aspx

Taylor, M., & Mottweiler, C. (2008). Imaginary Companions Pretending They Are Real but Knowing They Are Not. American Journal of Play, 47–54.

Taylor, M., Cartwright, B. S., & Carlson, S. M. (1993). A developmental investigation of Children’s imaginary companions. Developmental Psychology, 29(2), 276–285. https://doi.org/10.1037//0012-1649.29.2.276

WebMD. (n.d.). Children’s imaginary friends: What they are and more. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/children/childrens-imaginary-friends-what-to-know

Winkelspecht, C. (2015). Imaginary friends: Should you worry?. Nationwide Children’s Hospital. https://www.nationwidechildrens.org/family-resources-education/700childrens/2015/11/imaginary-friends-should-you-worry