Preparing your Child for the Holiday Season

The holiday season is upon us and many families are making the decision to plan traditional activities with family and friends once again. You may be experiencing some stress, wondering how your family will adjust for this year’s festivities after our hiatus. We are here to alleviate some of those concerns by sharing some tips that can help you and your child prepare for the holiday season. 

All children, whether they hold a psychiatric diagnosis or not, are unique in the ways that they experience the world. However, all humans desire a sense of control over their environment, including understanding the expectations for a new situation in advance. This need is heightened in children with autism and/or anxiety. Therefore, preparation is our magic word for this blog, as it is crucial for your kids to feel a sense of control, know what to expect, and subsequently experience greater levels of emotion regulation. 

1. Traveling? Talk with your child about what to expect concerning the journey.
   When planning to travel by plane or by car, it can help your child to practice the steps in advance. When traveling by plane, take time to explain every step of the airport process to your anxious child, such as what it feels like to walk in the busy lobby, go through security, and wait in the terminal for anywhere from 1-3 hours for your flight. This conversation can be supported by visuals, like a book, or using the internet to show your child accurate visuals of the airport you will be visiting. If you have time, and think your child would find it helpful, take a drive to the airport and enter the lobby with your child, so they can experience the environment first-hand before the big travel day. 
   
   When traveling by car, the same rules apply. Walk your child through a timetable of the road trip, allowing for flexibility along the way. Rather than saying, “we will arrive at 3p” try leaving some room for delays, saying, “we plan to arrive between 3-6pm, depending on the traffic on the roads.” You may also wish to take time to sit in the car and talk with your child about what to expect in that environment ahead of time. For example, you may let them know that you will take regular bathroom breaks, and that while in the car, they will have time to watch at least two movies, or read one book and play on their switch for one hour. Using movies or TV shows, or other time constrained activities is a helpful way to explain time to your child. 
   
   

2. Give your child a sense of control by including them in the planning process when possible.
   One way to provide your child with autonomy is to invite them to join the planning process. If they find comfort in having familiar and comfortable items with them when they leave home, make one part of the planning process the selection of their comfort toys. Of course, use your discretion for appropriate toys and foods. For example, if you are concerned they may choose a loud toy to bring on the plane, pick a few appropriate toys beforehand and ask them to choose between those. You might also provide options for food stops, always having a backup in mind when a location is unexpectedly closed, and selection of activities along the way.
   
   

3. Let your friends and family know in advance the ways that they can support your child.
   You are the expert on your child, so you know what their current triggers and preferences are. It’s completely okay for you to share those with your friends and family ahead of time, so they may prepare themselves to have positive interactions with your child. Some information you may wish to share in advance includes, preferences regarding physical touch (i.e. hugging), what their pronouns are, or the foods they prefer to eat. You may also want to explain what it looks like when your child becomes overwhelmed, and what actions you prefer friends and family take to best support you and your child. Advice and preferences could look like “please ignore tantrums,” “use a quiet voice when talking to Naish,” or “please don’t comment on their food choices at this time.” 
   
   

4. Prepare a Coping Plan with your child.
   Large gatherings are full of experiences and triggers that your child might only experience a few times a year. Consider these sensitivities in advance and make a coping plan for how you and your child plan to respond. For example, it is typical for gatherings of family and friends to have a higher noise level than what your child may be accustomed to. It’s a good idea to discuss this aspect of social gatherings with your child in advance. Incorporating examples of similar past experiences your child has been through can help them remember how to respond to the current experience. A coping thought we love for this scenario is: 
   
   “I have been in situations where it was really loud in the past, but I still had fun. I can have fun now, too. Even if it is really loud.” 
   
   This strategy can be applied to any sensory experience or emotional sensitivity. Remember to practice coping thoughts and plans multiple times before the holiday event (practice daily for best results). 
   
   Part of your coping plan may include selecting a physical space where your child can go to be alone when they are feeling overwhelmed. The space should be rather quiet and contain a familiar item or two of your child’s, so they have something comforting and distracting to aid them in regulating their emotions. When creating coping plans, make a special name for the space, show it to your child multiple times before it is needed, and practice having them use the space when they are emotionally regulated to increase comfort with the space. The more you practice with your child, it will be easier for them to remember the coping plan in the moment of crisis. They may prefer you to go with them in the moment of dysregulation too, and that’s okay! 
   
   

5. Utilize praise and supportive language while preparing your child.
   Children’s brains are like sponges, soaking up all the information their environment gives them, including how adults talk and behave. When parents model supportive language and coping skills, children will begin to mimic that language and the ability to regulate their own emotions. Here are some of our favorite phrases and examples you can use with your children to foster that open communication:

Use visuals to support your discussions about expectations for the holidays

6. Calendars are interactive and make for a wonderful tool for kids to engage in the planning process.
Display a calendar in a common area of your home at your child’s height so they may cross off the days until you leave home, or before the event you’re planning to host. Take the opportunity each day to review the plans, and address questions your child may have. Repeating and practicing plans multiple times before the event will lead to best results of your child’s emotional regulation. 

7. Social Stories can be very helpful in the teaching process about what to expect.
Create a short story about a kid the same age as your child who is experiencing the same feelings. Add those important details that help your child connect to the character, and then talk about the character’s success in the activity. Alternatively, if your child has a special interest, such as Star Wars, you can make Baby Yoda the star of the social story to make it more engaging. For best results, make your social story as brief as possible. 2-3 minutes of storytelling and 1-2 minutes of questions and discussion should be sufficient.

8. Look up videos and pictures together when talking about travel plans. 
As we mentioned above regarding airplane travel, using visuals such as YouTube videos or pictures of the planned activities to supplement your teaching can be very helpful for your child to visualize what to expect. You may even include pictures of family members and friends they can expect to see, if it has been a while since they last met. 

9. Use books to talk through expectations.
Why reinvent the wheel? There are many helpful books that talk about the holidays and traveling. We recommend searching for books that most fit your situation, as well as your child’s developmental level, and reading them with your child in advance. Using the language and content from the books to talk about the upcoming event will help your child to become more comfortable with the experience.

Quick Recap for Busy Parents: 

1. Prepare your child for expected activities; use stories and visuals to supplement understanding 
2. Talk about the planned activities a little bit every day leading up to the event; multiple exposures eases anxious feelings by saturating the idea in your child’s brain
3. Make comfort objects available for your child during the holiday activities & travel (toys, snacks, etc) 
4. Prepare your loved ones in advance for what to expect concerning your child’s preferences
5. Prepare and practice a coping plan with your child, so in times of discomfort or crisis, you and your child have ideas of what to do 
   
   The Holidays can be an exciting time full of family, love and celebration. We hope these tips can be helpful as you start to prepare yourself and your child for these special activities. If you have any questions or additional concerns in supporting your child, please call us today to set up a consultation appointment with one of our clinicians, (734) 222-9277.