Dr. Ross Greene’s Approach to Concerning Behaviors

Problem behaviors can be challenging for parents to manage. There are all different kinds of parenting strategies but it takes time to find the perfect solution. In this blog, we will be introducing a collaborative approach Dr. Greene created that brings parents and children together to find solutions that both sides agree on. 

Who is Dr. Greene? 

Dr. Ross Greene is a clinical child psychologist who served at the Harvard Medical School for more than twenty years. He is also an adjunct professor at Virginia Tech and the University of Technology in Sydney, Australia. Dr. Greene published four books, including The Explosive Child, Raising Human Beings, Lost and Found, and Lost at School. More information about the approach introduced in this article can be found in Dr. Greene’s first book, The Explosive Child.

Lives in the Balance

Dr. Greene and his team founded a website called Lives in the Balance, which aims to advocate for children to encourage parents to build relationships with their children that are non-adversarial, non-punitive, and non-exclusionary. This website offers free training and resources regarding Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS) and other parenting strategies. 

Dr. Greene’s belief of the roots of behavior

Dr. Greene points out that it’s common for parents to view their children’s tantrums or deconstructive behaviors as they are being willfully defiant. Those behaviors can seem limit-testing, attention seeking, or manipulative. It’s easy to take these concerning behaviors personally and think “why are they doing this to me?” Some parents may even think that their child is poorly taught and that they must have done something wrong. 

Parenting is hard, and it’s typical for parents to experience all kinds of emotions and thoughts. However, Dr. Greene proposes that instead of seeing children as doing well if they want to, he thinks that children will do well if they can. He invites parents to view those concerning behaviors as unresolved problems and that those behaviors are a symptom of those problems. 

With the belief of “only unsolved problems cause concerning behaviors; solved problems don’t” (Lives in the balance, 2021) Dr. Greene encourages parents to think about what problems are waiting to be solved before focusing on modifying those concerning behaviors. These unsolved problems can also be seen as unmet expectations that the child is having difficulty meeting or lacking skills to respond to frustrations adaptively.  

Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS)

Dr. Greene created the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions model as a method for caregivers to identify and solve problems proactively and collaboratively. 

Plan A, B, & C

Common behavioral discipline strategies use rewards to reinforce positive behaviors one wants to see and apply consequences to reduce negative behaviors. This plan A is not suggested by Dr. Greene, because it only involves parents solving problems unilaterally without the child present. It also only relies on extrinsic motivators that leave the underlying issue unaddressed. 

Dr. Greene went on to introduce Plan B and C. Plan B involves both caregivers and the child having a conversation to air their concerns and think of solutions collaboratively. This conversation will happen before the heat of the moment to allow both sides to be in a calm state for a discussion. Plan C asks parents to prioritize which behaviors are the most present concerns. CPS is a combination of plans B and C that focuses on no more than three unsolved problems at a time. 

Dr. Greene breaks down Plan B further into three steps. First, the empathy step. Dr. Greene asks parents to be curious to learn and gather information about what makes it hard for their children to meet certain expectations. Then we move on to the define adult concerns step, where caregivers share their concerns for their children or others. Lastly, the invitation step is when caregivers ask their children for some solutions that allow them to get what they want and also meet parent’s expectations. CPS isn’t a quick fix, and the conversation in Plan B can take some time for both the children and parents to reach an agreement. 

CPS is asking parents to focus on the skills that their children lack and what about parents’ expectations frustrate them. It also asks parents to rethink their expectations and assumptions they make about their children’s ability to meet certain expectations. Dr. Greene challenges parents to let go of the “developmentally appropriate” expectations and think about “what does my child need” and “how can I adjust my expectations to meet where my child is at?” It’s important not to over-challenge children, but we also don’t want to under-challenge them which prevents fostering their development. Finding the expectation that is at the appropriate level that doesn’t frustrate the child can also be discussed during plan B.  

Reference List

Bodenheimer, R. (2022, March 31). I refuse to ‘punish’ my son anymore. The Cut. Retrieved March 11, 2023, from https://www.thecut.com/2022/03/the-explosive-child-not-punishing-kid.html

Greene, R. W. (2001). The explosive child: A new approach for understanding and parenting easily frustrated, chronically inflexible children. Harper.

Lives In The Balance (2021, May 25) Intro to CPS for Pediatrician and Family Physicians. Vimeo. https://vimeo.com/554797228